Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
