Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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