the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
