Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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