Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
