no you cant smoke seaweed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
