I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
