I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize