We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
