I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
