u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
