party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think people are normalizing furries
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
