There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
