guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
