I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
