woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The air taste purple.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
