After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize