forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
