every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
