If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
