I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
