I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
