I wannas sexs uuuuu
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
