im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
