Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
