i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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