So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
