I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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