last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
