got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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