dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
