Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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