i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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