i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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