did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
