He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
