she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
