Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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