I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
