I think i sorta joined a cult last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
