i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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