Me. At least after what I've been through.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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