He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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