I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
