That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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