so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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