She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
