at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
