I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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