but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
