Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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