Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
