it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
