So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
