Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
