Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
