Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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