whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
