Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
