we have pet lesbian snakes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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