Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
