i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
