I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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