so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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