Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
