why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
