the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
