Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
