there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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