I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
how drunk are you?
Several
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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