Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize