oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
