1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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