awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
