I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
