it was like fucking gandolphs beard
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
