im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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