Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
