Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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