Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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