By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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