$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
