there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
