Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
porn star boner night. come get it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
