3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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