Your dad touched me again.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
