Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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