I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
