so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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