i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
