i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
