So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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