Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
