I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
