Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
