Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
