I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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