watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
